This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
