I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
