Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
