Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
