How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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