She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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