do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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