the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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