either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
