I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
