I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
