Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
