Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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