Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
