Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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