for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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