Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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