you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
