allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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