We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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