Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize