Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
bring money and cleavage
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
