i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
