If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
