id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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