She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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