My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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