I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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