after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I got inside last night via doggy door
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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