Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
