There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
