Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Damn victory sex feels great
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
