Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
