Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
