This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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