haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
my shit smells like andre
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
