And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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