Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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