He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
