Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We talked him into tasing himself.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
