i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
