I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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