I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I'm sobbing to NWA
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
