why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
