I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
