Just fell off a train. Bad.
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
