the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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