cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
