need another drink. this is the easiest way
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
