I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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