dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
