Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
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