yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
