I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
