dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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