He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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