Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I need moral support for this bender
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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