They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
The beer is more important than you right now.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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