you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I came so hard my ears popped.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
