yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
