never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i may or may not be watching the land before time
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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