Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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