Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
