Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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