I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
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The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
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He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
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