my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
