she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
