i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
