Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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