very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
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