Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Randomize