I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
